Archive for the ‘Meditation’ Category

I’m very good at tying knots…at least tying myself in knots. I recently was revisited by my old friend chest pains. This time it was a bit more serious. I had been hiding a lot of stress and not having anything that could release it. My exercise was near zero, my meditation habits were poor,  I even had stopped listening to and enjoying music! Even those closest to me had noticed how stiff and rigid I had become.

Needless to say, my doctor was less then thrilled with me. Once again, I was reminded sternly that I was “a walking heart attack and if I don’t change I will be dead in six months!” I think that scared me more then the physical things.

I am now reminded that I need to take things less seriously. It was such an interesting 2012, with so many highs and lows, that I had forgotten what in between felt like. It seems like I have been living my life for the high and low moments. I need to find that proper balance and also do better about letting my stress go. Shouting if I need to, exercising more regularly, writing more often. Sometimes, it’s ok to be angry, it’s ok to be sad, it’s ok to be happy.

I wise friend and mentor used to tell me all the time, “Craig, don’t take things so fucking seriously”. This was usually said in times of great stress.  I need to return to that advice.


I feel reborn today. I feel like I am ready to be the best me that I can. They say that when you hit bottom, you have nowhere to go but up. Over the past eight months, I have certainly seen my share of bottoms…physically, personally. professionally, mentally, and emotionally. Almost to the point that I didn’t think I could go on another second. But, with the help of friends and my higher power, I not only survived, I came out stronger and better than ever before. I am now ready to be my best me!

It’s time to really focus on what I want to do with my life and how I can best impact the lives of others. Time to devote my life to helping others and doing what I can to better my world!

We live in a divisive world. We live in world full of blame and hate. Who does that make happy? Do you feel better about yourself when you are putting others down? I know I don’t. And I am guilty of this. I admit it. I am not proud of myself. My friends deserve better.

I have strong views and opinions. I think it is important to express those views. I think it’s important to express my opinion and the reasons behind it. That doesn’t mean I need to belittle someone else and tell them that their opinion is wrong just because I don’t agree with it. It’s time to return civility into our discourse. It’s time to start the healing process to end the divisions. We are a diverse country. That is our strength. We can have our disagreements but at the end of the day do what is best.

Negativitiy takes up so much time. It also produces an energy that spreads. Why not spread a positive energy. Why not spread joy and comfort instead of hate and venom. It’s time for all of us to be the change. It’s time to take a step back and really celebrate the joy in life. It’s time to find that common ground to help all people…regardless of the differences. Be the change.

How can we make a difference with others? We can start by changing ourselves. Try to be more civil…more understanding…more open minded. And really stop taking things that others say and post so seriously. Once you make the change with yourself, others will follow.

How many of us get in our own way? I certainly do. I seem to suffer from the “misery loves company” thing a lot lately. It affects my moods…it affects my job…it affects how I interact with people…it affects my health. And none of these in a good way. I seem to have lost a lot of my motivation. Time to wake up and change!

I think I lose focus on what I want…and what I need to do to get my wants. I tend to focus on negative aspects and not on the good things around me. I have some great people in my life. I have people who want to help me. But, I need to do it! Sometimes, it’s just hard to do…hard to paint that smile on your face when you are suffering inside.

I need to get back to my basics. I need to focus on positive people. Get rid of a lot of the anger. I need to exercise a lot more! I always feel best when I do. And I need to be more consistent with my writing!

Funny how we are always our own worst critic…and how we are also our own worst enemy. Time to be person that I can…and have been. It is all inside of me!

The topic today is one thing to improve. Just one? I think I could name several! I think the biggest factor in my diabetic life that I need to improve would be stress and the way I react to it.

When I am stressed I tend to overeat and underexercise. Which is the craziest thing because I know that when i do that I just get depressed. Especially with the exercise, it actually relieves the stress. The overeating leads to my weight going up, which makes me more depressed.

I think I need to do more to force myself to exercise a bit more. The weather is great now…and I do have some great places that I can go for long walks or jogs. I also need to not sit at work as long and take breaks and get some fresh air. It will probably make me more productive there as well. When I get home at night, I need to take a long walk before I get on the computer. That will help me relieve the stress of the day. The other thing is to always pack something to eat at work. That will keep me from overeating…or more importantly…unhealthy eating.

This is my biggest challenge…one that has been a life-long battle. I really need to work on it and really get on top of my stress issues.


As many of you know, sleep has been pretty elusive to me lately. Last night was turning out to be one of those nights. I was up at 1 am…very stressed…once again worried about things I had not control over. Worried about friends that were sick and hurting…worried about money…being lonely. I was just thinking that it was going to be another night of 3 or 4 hours of sleep when something very strange happened…I shut down! I completely turned off my mind and body and gave myself up to sleep!

Now, unless I have to get up really early for a specific reason, I never set an alarm…my body wakes me up naturally between 6 and 7 am. So imagine my surprise when I woke up and it was 8:00 am! Five days of the week that wouldn’t be an issue. Unfortunately, today wasn’t one of those five. No time for shower…no time for coffee…just wash-up and get ready for work. It really made me feel out of sort for the morning…but sleeping was better than not sleeping.

What really made me feel more like myself was a conversation that I just had with an old friend. For some reason, I decided to step outside and give her a call. We talked a bit and it really made me feel better. So to her I just want to say you do make a difference. You have an impact on so many lives. I know that things are changing for you…embrace the changes and make them you.

 It really makes me think of the impact that I have on others and with that the responsibility to live my life in a better way…be a better person.  Happy Friday everyone!


Posted: April 12, 2012 in Friends, Health, Meditation, Optimism, Personal

Last night, for the first time in awhile, I actually feel like I got some good sleep. It wasn’t that I slept a long time, it’s just for the first time in a long time, I didn’t wake up every hour. I’m not sure why that happened. I did change my routine a bit…I didn’t eat as late as I normally do…I changed my med schedule a bit…I felt I got plenty of exercise during the day. But I think the best thing was that I asked myself “Did you do all you could do during the day?” I tend to stay awake at night dwelling on my problems, and the problems of others. Last night, I just let it go. I couldn’t do anymore about it. It is out of my control and in the hands of my higher power.

Another thing that really helped was the rain…even though I couldn’t hear the rain…I knew it was there. The rain always seems to relax me. I like the smell of it, the cleansing feeling after a good rainfall. I think I needed it for my soul last night. The temp outside seemed right…I left a window open…and was just so peaceful.

And finally, I went to bed smiling. A couple of friends reached out to me last night and really made me feel good about some of the things that I am doing. Sometimes I think we need that validation because we tend to get stuck in the details and can’t see if we are on the right path. And finally, it is good to be able to laugh and feel good at the end of the day instead of that stressed, self-analysis mode that I have been in lately.

Thank you all for your support and love. I feel it everyday in your words and actions. And thank you for joining me on this wild ride…I am excited to see where it will take me!

So it’s been two weeks on the health plan and so far there has been some great improvement. My blood glucose runs between 70 and 125. My cholesterol is better. I have lost 10 pounds. And I feel like I am getting in better shape due to the exercise. One small problem…I definitely haven’t been getting enough sleep. For some reason I just can’t seem to shut my mind down at night to get the sleep I need. And, when I finally get to sleep, it never seems to last very long! I wake up every hour or so…even on the days when I don’t have to be to work until later. It is getting frustrating. I have tried exercise before bed, meditation, reading, and even milk! A member of my health team has given me some things to try, so I hope that it helps…I am tired!

It’s amazing what the mind can do to us…both good and bad. It can help us overcome almost anything and can also hold us back. I really try to be a positive person, but sometimes I just can’t get out of the darkness of my own mind. It’s nothing serious at this point, but is a bit annoying!

If anyone has any suggestions…except drugs…for good sleep, I am open to ideas!

Have a great Tuesday!

Today is a good day…amazing what getting sleep will do for you! I am feeling really good for the first time in a long time. I am embracing the changes in my life, diet, and attitude. The first craving seems to have gone away….no more soda! My weight is down a bit…8 lbs in the last week. I know that I will lose a lot quickly…it’s those last 15 lbs that will be the toughest…so I am excited but knowing that diet alone will only do so much! I just got back from a brisk walk before the morning sun…it’s amazing how peaceful it is out. The weather is brisk…but tolerable.

I am so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life that are very good at talking me off the ledge. Diabetes is a cruel disease…not outward signs of distress. What it does do is really mess with your moods. When I was first diagnosed, I experience lots of severe mood swings as the drugs helped get the blood glucose under control. So far…I haven’t had that much of an issue…the only real battle is mild depression and anxiety. But those that know me, know I am too much of an upbeat person to use any type of mood changing drugs. I like to feel…I like to experience…and I love sharing those feelings and experiences here!

Have a wonderful Tuesday!

It is nearly 3 am…I am wide awake. I can’t seem to turn my brain off enough to be able to grab those precious few hours of sleep. Because of my health issues…it has been 11 days since I went to work. I don’t quite know what to expect. Like most things…I am over-thinking it. It’s just work.

Sleep eludes me…

What an interesting seven days. I went from just going to the doctor…to seeing a cardiologist and getting a stress test…to being in the hospital getting a coronary angiogram! I have seen my blood glucose level go from a low of 89 to a high of 238! Today alone the range was 89 to 171. I have gone from being so light headed that I couldn’t get out of bed to being able to exercise for 30 minutes at a time. I have seen my heart rate go from 166 to 52 in a 24 hour period. I feel like a yo-yo.

Sleep eludes me…

I’m angry. I’m down. I’m isolating myself…I feel it…some times those feelings of low self-esteem are overpowering! I’m trying to stay positive…I am focusing on the good…but I just can’t get these nagging feelings out of my head. It seems like doors are closing around me and I can’t keep my foot in them enough…I can’t let go. But I must…

Sleep eludes me…

I have four hours before I need to get up…the coffeemaker is ready to go…the oatmeal will be easy…the clothes are clean and ready for me…all that is missing is sleep. I need to meditate…need to find my safe place, as the nurse in the hospital called it as she shoved a catheter in my arm. I need to grab whatever I can to hang on to what little is left of my sanity.

Sleep eludes me…