It is nearly 3 am…I am wide awake. I can’t seem to turn my brain off enough to be able to grab those precious few hours of sleep. Because of my health issues…it has been 11 days since I went to work. I don’t quite know what to expect. Like most things…I am over-thinking it. It’s just work.

Sleep eludes me…

What an interesting seven days. I went from just going to the doctor…to seeing a cardiologist and getting a stress test…to being in the hospital getting a coronary angiogram! I have seen my blood glucose level go from a low of 89 to a high of 238! Today alone the range was 89 to 171. I have gone from being so light headed that I couldn’t get out of bed to being able to exercise for 30 minutes at a time. I have seen my heart rate go from 166 to 52 in a 24 hour period. I feel like a yo-yo.

Sleep eludes me…

I’m angry. I’m down. I’m isolating myself…I feel it…some times those feelings of low self-esteem are overpowering! I’m trying to stay positive…I am focusing on the good…but I just can’t get these nagging feelings out of my head. It seems like doors are closing around me and I can’t keep my foot in them enough…I can’t let go. But I must…

Sleep eludes me…

I have four hours before I need to get up…the coffeemaker is ready to go…the oatmeal will be easy…the clothes are clean and ready for me…all that is missing is sleep. I need to meditate…need to find my safe place, as the nurse in the hospital called it as she shoved a catheter in my arm. I need to grab whatever I can to hang on to what little is left of my sanity.

Sleep eludes me…

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Comments
  1. Anita says:

    Sorry such rough night. It is hard to turn brain off at times. Have been awake off and on here as well. 4am and awake. Hope the day gets better and the roller coaster settles down for you. Hang in there…try stay positive….you can do this!

  2. Julie says:

    Stay positive Craig!! Don’t let things drag you down. You can do everything you want to accomplish! Just remember to take it one day at a time. I believe in you.

  3. Judy says:

    The only solution I have found to elusive sleep is to not think about the sleep you’re losing. Easier said than done – believe me I KNOW! But the more I think about sleep, the less I get. And turn your clock so you can’t see it – helps.

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